This has been on my mind for a while now and maybe putting this out in to the universe will make me feel better about it or get feedback with advice- I have known this person for roughly 12-13 years. I can’t say this person plays a big part in my life but this person definitely has space in my life. This is nothing romantic or anything like that. When I first learned of this person I could not stand them and that feeling was very mutual- Fast forward several years and here we are today.
This person and I are good friends or so I thought. I guess I can’t really say we aren’t good friends but I have learned that a lot of it is a lie. I am fully aware that people only tell you things they want you to know and I guess I wanted to believe in this person so much that I didn’t allow my mind to believe anything more. This person is a very good person but has some major dark demons. Since I have learned of these demons, honestly, I still don’t want to believe it, but looks like I will have to. In a way I look at this person differently. I am not judging this person in anyway and understand that people have to do what they have to do to survive but this is something I never thought this person would do.
But, what I don’t understand is why. I haven’t confronted this person with the knowledge that I now have and honestly, I don’t think I will. If this person wanted me to know these things they would have told me. I guess I just want to understand why. Why did this person choose this for their life. Did something happen when they were younger to lead them to where they are today? Does this person just not love themselves enough to know they deserve better and can definitely do better? I just don’t understand why someone would choose that life to live.
If you can’t tell it bothers me tremendously. I don’t know if I should confront this person and let them know what I know or if I should just keep letting this person think I am dumb and believe only what they have told me?!? Life is a struggle and everyone has their own battles no matter how it may look to someone else. Most importantly, I just want this person to know that no matter what life they lead I would never turn my back on them and I would never be disappointed in the person that they are..
I have been out of the dating scene for well over six years now, and I get that it has changed a LOT since I was younger. I am definitely more selective with whom I give my time to and allow in to my world and that is for a few different reasons. I definitely lost myself in my last “relationship” and it has taken some time to find myself and what I truly want. As I slowly find myself again and become less of a homebody I am learning new things and meeting new people. Normally It takes me a while to meet someone but I am learning that is wasting my time so I am working on that.
I am not big on dating websites, most of the time they are there to find a chick, meet, and let laid and let me tell you I am definitely NOT the chick for you. I am old fashioned that way and will make someone wait as long as I need to make sure it’s not just about sex. Don’t get me wrong, I am definitely a sexual person and they will not be disappointed when it finally happens but then I think, will I be disappointed? What if it’s just not satisfying or I’m just not in to him like that. There are several different situations that could happen. I am beginning to believe I have OCD when it comes to this.
BUT, the time has come that I need to get out there and date so I went on a date this past Saturday. Dude was cool and we had a good time. The thing is I have no patience. Like at all- I get annoyed when dudes say they are looking for one thing but then end up actually wanting something else. I’m not here to toot my own horn, but I am a pretty good catch and by telling me one thing and wanting another you are wasting my time! Now, I agree, I definitely need to work on my patience and learn to not just cut people off but come on! It takes me a while to actually meet up with a dude and go on a date, so all this time of phone conversation and texting and what not, did it not occur to you to maybe mention a few other things.!?! Apparently not lol
Honestly, I have no idea if anyone even reads my blog and that’s cool- I just want some feedback as to where you meet people at? What are some of your experiences dating? What do you look for in a person and what are some things that you absolutely will not put up with? In a weird way, I am all about dating now and meeting people and hearing their take on things and how they envision things. Everyone is so different and that is what intrigues me.